surrender884

compassion, confession, faith

Month: October, 2016

Full Circle

What a weekend this has been. In full swoop it went from joy to sadness.

Saturday I attended Discipleship Catholic Youth Conference here in Tulsa. Thousands of teens from here and the surrounding states of all nationalities. Three keynote speakers, artists creating images, contemporary Catholic music performers. A full twelve hours of worship, laughter and unity. There was adult chaperones that I conversed with about the days events. It made me proud to be a Catholic because my Church sees the need to enrich the spiritual lives of a good portion of it’s believers.

During a stroll over to the dining area I spoke with one of the staff about the event wanting some history of this conference. It is a once a year conference held at a large facility. Most of the visible volunteers are teens of the same age of those attending the conference. Those rarely seen working in the background were faces I had come to know working in our diocese.

One keynote speakers said words that truly touched my heart. All through the day I had gladness in my mind and heart.

As with every Sunday morning when I arise, the first thing I do is take my meds and start my four cup coffee maker. Then I sit back and read the readings for that weekend. Actually I read the whole chapter in the bible for each of the scripture readings. A sentence here and there in the same chapter doesn’t cut it for me. To me it is like taking it out of context. I depend on what comes before and after. Digging deep into scripture opens thoughts and aha moments.

After mass I go see my mother in the assisted living memory care facility.  Her dementia has really progressed for the last four weeks. I find her normally still in the dining area finishing her lunch. Though last week and this week, she knows I am there beside her but, I talk in she doesn’t respond. As much as I try to get her to say anything it seems hopeless. My sister reminded me today, that this stage of dementia is the most difficult to deal with.

When I first started writing this blog I told you all how every visit with my mother I tried to steal back from the disease of dementia pieces of my mothers mind. Now I can’t do that anymore. This is the stage in life when everyone in the past and now me has to come to terms of someday soon not having a living parent.

This saddens me greatly. To the point of tears it does. I brought it up in conversation with my wife today. I hope that my siblings will realize that after Mom goes to Jesus that we will only have each other. This feeling of grief before someone goes home to a better place and leaves me here alone is when the healing begins.

I miss you Mom already.

 

Thinking about……

I started a new e book today, Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. In the first and second chapters we are instructed to go to the book’s web site and watch two YouTube videos. Well that is fine but, then I have to leave the app where I am reading, then open the app again.

Instead I power up my laptop, that way I can keep the app open on my tablet. Now I am thinking that maybe I should down load the app to my laptop. It is possible to do so with this Windows operating system.

The other day my wife tells me to never publish anything that has to do with her life. Fine, I can do that. There is enough stuff about me to confess to anyway.

Three more months and I retire from public service. Sounds important doesn’t it? Not really, just thirty four years working in a thankless job with skills probably not useful after retirement. Sure I learned the proper way to use a Skil saw, that it is best to wear safety shoes while using a jack hammer, always wear a hard hat while on construction sites and do not ever turn your back on traffic when working in the street.

While out and about I ask for applications for employment even if the place isn’t hiring. Come this December those applications will be taken back to the businesses where I received them.

My plan was and is to retire but, still work elsewhere, either full or part time. The thought of working one more day past retirement at my job now is depressing enough. That should tell you something.

Today I went to a local business that trades used books, music and videos.Each item you bring in is worth so many points. In return those points are used towards the purchase of items they have. My collection of books is at the lowest level since I traded some last year for points. This morning I went through my books and traded some more.

Now if I continue to check out ebooks from my local library’s app there will be no trading for other books. The great thing about used books is the discounted price for sure. I have traded for books I purchased from the used book store too.

My other option is to trade cds and dvds at some point. Today I scored the cd  “Collide” by Skillet at a great price. Two books for $3.95 each, a next to new Bible and a slightly used Catholic Catechism. After I return home a friend tells me the store has a new arrivals warehouse in the back.

What a dream job that would be, working in a bookstore. The only problem would be spending some of the paycheck before leaving on payday.

Well that is what I have been thinking about lately. Mostly I think about God though.