Full Circle

by surrender884

What a weekend this has been. In full swoop it went from joy to sadness.

Saturday I attended Discipleship Catholic Youth Conference here in Tulsa. Thousands of teens from here and the surrounding states of all nationalities. Three keynote speakers, artists creating images, contemporary Catholic music performers. A full twelve hours of worship, laughter and unity. There was adult chaperones that I conversed with about the days events. It made me proud to be a Catholic because my Church sees the need to enrich the spiritual lives of a good portion of it’s believers.

During a stroll over to the dining area I spoke with one of the staff about the event wanting some history of this conference. It is a once a year conference held at a large facility. Most of the visible volunteers are teens of the same age of those attending the conference. Those rarely seen working in the background were faces I had come to know working in our diocese.

One keynote speakers said words that truly touched my heart. All through the day I had gladness in my mind and heart.

As with every Sunday morning when I arise, the first thing I do is take my meds and start my four cup coffee maker. Then I sit back and read the readings for that weekend. Actually I read the whole chapter in the bible for each of the scripture readings. A sentence here and there in the same chapter doesn’t cut it for me. To me it is like taking it out of context. I depend on what comes before and after. Digging deep into scripture opens thoughts and aha moments.

After mass I go see my mother in the assisted living memory care facility.  Her dementia has really progressed for the last four weeks. I find her normally still in the dining area finishing her lunch. Though last week and this week, she knows I am there beside her but, I talk in she doesn’t respond. As much as I try to get her to say anything it seems hopeless. My sister reminded me today, that this stage of dementia is the most difficult to deal with.

When I first started writing this blog I told you all how every visit with my mother I tried to steal back from the disease of dementia pieces of my mothers mind. Now I can’t do that anymore. This is the stage in life when everyone in the past and now me has to come to terms of someday soon not having a living parent.

This saddens me greatly. To the point of tears it does. I brought it up in conversation with my wife today. I hope that my siblings will realize that after Mom goes to Jesus that we will only have each other. This feeling of grief before someone goes home to a better place and leaves me here alone is when the healing begins.

I miss you Mom already.